Recently, a reader called me a “woke DEI chef.” Another labeled me a “fear monger.” A third suggested wearing a feminine pad before trying one of my dishes. Welcome to the internet in 2026.
What triggered them? A recipe—a healthy twist on something familiar.
For one commenter it was coleslaw that should have been called cabbage salad. I called it cabbage slaw. My editors changed it to coleslaw, and readers promptly debated the definition in the comments. Spoiler: coleslaw by definition includes a vinegar base, so the coleslaw edit was still accurate. Though, that’s not really the point.
Ultimately, It’s not just about food. It’s memory, identity, and “this is how we’ve always done it.” When someone suggests a different technique, a healthier ingredient, or a new name for a familiar dish, it can feel like a personal attack. That’s when the claws come out.
Honestly, none of us is completely immune to that knee-jerk resistance. I’ve posted things I later regretted. However, there’s a difference between a moment of defensiveness and cruelty. What I noticed in those comments wasn’t just pushback. It was fear dressed up as anger.
Science Agrees That Change Is Hard.
Researchers have found that even when people face life-threatening illness, most will not change their lifestyle habits. Not because they’re stubborn or foolish—but because resistance to change is deeply wired into us. The familiar feels safe. The new feels like a threat, even when the new thing is trying to help us.
For them it was coleslaw. For you it might be a sermon, a diagnosis, or giving up a food you’ve eaten your whole life.
Yet Change is Part of God’s Design.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! (Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV)
God is always moving forward. Always refining. Always inviting transformation. And He uses friction to do it.
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17 NIV)
The sharpening process is uncomfortable by design. That discomfort isn’t a sign something is wrong. It’s a sign something is working.
So, here’s the mirror.
It’s always easier to see resistance in someone else. Maybe it’s a spouse who dismisses every healthy change you make—until a scary test result cracks the door open just enough. Maybe it’s a stranger in a comment section defending coleslaw like their life depends on it.
But what about you?
What topic makes you instantly defensive? Where do you roll your eyes and say, “That’s just not me”?
The reaction is the tell. Those commenters didn’t just reveal their thoughts about a recipe. They revealed resistance in how they responded. The words we reach for when we feel threatened say more about us than the thing that triggered us. And that’s true whether we’re defending coleslaw in a comment section or snapping at a spouse who didn’t plan any vegetables for dinner.
Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them
(Ephesians 4:29 NLT)
That’s the standard I strive for, and it’s one worth holding each other to, starting with how we talk to ourselves about change.
You weren’t designed to walk through change alone.
Plans fail when there is no counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. (Proverbs 15:22 HCSB)
You don’t need more noise or opinions. You need one trusted guide who is paying close attention to you and to what God is stirring in this season.
If change is hard for you, and you’re tired of bracing against it, recognizing your resistance is the first step. Reaching out for support is the second.
If you’re ready to move from bracing against change to walking through it with courage, clarity, and companionship, this is the work we’ll do together. If you’d like to explore working together, I’d love to connect.
Click here to schedule a complimentary 15-minute chat.
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